Rat Bastard

Description

Upon the literal and figurative outskirts of polite society within a literal and figurative shithole shack lives Rat Bastard. Though a character more fitting to a dubious threat a parent would give an irksome child (Eat your brussels sprouts or the "ratman" will get you), Rat Bastard inexplicably exists and interacts with the semi-normal human populace of Butthole City. Each episodic tale herein is full of adventure, excitement, whimsy, and wonder. Then Rat Bastard shows up and ruins all that boring crap while showing an amazing ability to never learn his lesson nor grow as a character. You can live vicariously through Rat Bastard and cheer him on as he does all the things you are too cowardly to do, like hit on hot cheerleaders, go on game shows, become a rock star, or even die multiple times. Rat Bastard also goes to all sorts of neat places, like the movie theater, a school, a strip club, an overpriced coffee joint, the DMV...ok, well those settings aren't too wild, but Rat Bastard makes them wild with his wacky antics, slapstick tomfoolery, and terminal disconnect with reality. You can even memorize stories from this book and then tell them to people and pretend you wrote them, or you can tell people these stories and act like it was actually you who did all the stupid and amoral things Rat Bastard did. We don't care as long as you paid for this book. If you read this book, your ex might come back to you, or you might win the lottery. I mean, anything is possible. Reading this book will make you totally awesome. Hell, even just reading this blurb about this book makes you a lot cooler than most people. This first, and possibly last, book from Al Adonis, Nately Vee, and Tommy Davidson is sure to please and will be right at home on any bookshelf, coffee table, prison library book cart thingy, or the back of any toilet.

Better, yet still barely known for his musical endeavors both solo and with the Coal Bin Bros., Nately Vee has wasted his life conjuring bizarre tales and songs. This book compiles decades of nonsensical ramblings devised with longtime pal, Al Adonis, to kill time whilst on boring bus rides and/or whilst loitering in small-town diners. He has recorded multiple albums and over 100 songs, though fittingly only a single one that he half assedly wrote in 5 minutes ("Happy Dog"), that involves a dog getting neutered and biting the narrator in the testicle gets any attention. As mentioned above, Al Adonis has bafflingly remained friends with Nately for multiple decades. His most prominent role was that of the lead character of Poopants in their collaborative musical project, "Poopants the Rock Opera." In addition to singing about soiling himself, Al enjoys playing full contact tiddlywinks and yodeling. Al is also deathly allergic to the letter J, discovered when his 3rd grade talent show performance of "John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt" resulted in a lengthy coma and long-term brain damage. Tommy Davison it's a fantastic artist and illustrator, and the only one of us brave enough to lend his real name to this monstrosity. Then again, he has the most generic name of the three creators, and could therefore hide in plain sight from the angry mobs sure to result from this work. He is currently working on his first feature-length animated film, "Head Games," which involves his own vocal talents in addition to a diverse and talented cast (and the two aforementioned dunderheads).