Disarming the Critical Partner: How to End the Cycle of Criticism and Get the Love You Want

Description

Critical partners routinely chide others unfairly, blame their partners for things that are out of their control, and exaggerate what they see as character flaws. In a relationship, these behaviors threaten the other partner's self-esteem and may irreparably damage the relationship. Disarming the Critical Partner helps readers in relationships with critical partners understand the behavior that drives their partner's criticism and end this relationship pattern using schema therapy. First, this book helps readers identify their partner's schema using assessments and checklists. A schema is an entrenched pattern of relating to others that often develops in childhood. Schemas common amongst critical partners are rooted in shame, unrelenting standards imposed on them by others, distrust, fear of abandonment, or fear of deprivation. Readers also learn to understand their own schemas and how these schemas may draw them into relationships with critical partners. The book then presents a clear, step-by-step plan for weakening the destructive schemas at work in their relationships and developing new coping strategies for deflecting criticism.

Michelle Skeen, PsyD, has studied schema therapy under Matthew McKay and Jeffrey Young. She completed her postdoctoral work at the University of California, San Francisco, and maintains a private practice in San Francisco.

"The Critical Partner is required reading for anyone living in a relationship where they feel frequently hurt, devalued, or blamed. This book will show you why this happens and give you tools to do something about it. Highly recommended." --Matthew McKay, PhD, author of Thoughts and Feelings "Like a good detective novel, Michelle Skeen's book will help you uncover the mystery of your difficult relationship. After reading this book, you'll understand how your childhood experiences still affect your life, but more importantly, you'll learn what you can do to put them behind you and move on." --Jeffrey C. Wood, PsyD, psychologist and coauthor of The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook "The couples in successful relationships will tell you that, in order to succeed, partners must learn to work on their relationships. The Critical Partner is the ideal workbook to help couples who are dealing with this uncomfortable dynamic. It will teach them how to do what is necessary to make their relationship successful." --Barton Goldsmith, PhD, author of Emotional Fitness for Couples and Emotional Fitness for Intimacy "The most challenging issue in the life of the couple can be learning how to express disappointment and hurt without hurting your partner. Michelle Skeen offers an effective framework for understanding and dealing with the ruptures and self-defeating consequences of criticism in a relationship. She carefully applies the thoughtfully designed elements of schema therapy to her keen knowledge of this subject matter and offers her readers easily accessible strategies for transforming painful life patterns into healthy responses." --Wendy T. Behary, LCSW, author of Disarming The Narcissist