Adrift: On Fertility, Uncertainty and the Wilderness of the Body

Description

'What would it mean to name this place I'm in, to map it? To say: this is the landscape. It looks like this, smells like this, at night these are the sounds that carry on the wind. Almost-motherhood . . .' When Miranda Ward and her husband decided to have a baby, they were young and optimistic. But five years, three miscarriages and one ectopic pregnancy later, she is still dealing with the ongoing aftermath of that decision, and the shadow it's cast over her relationship to her partner, her body and her future. In this searing, lyrical and radically honest memoir, Ward charts her journey through the uncertain landscape of almost-motherhood, asking questions of geography on the most intimate scale. How can we learn to be at home in our own bodies, even when we feel adrift from them? What language do we have for the spaces in between, the periods of wanting and waiting? And how do we maintain hope as we navigate towards an unknown future?

MIRANDA WARD is a writer, lecturer and freelance editor. She has a PhD in cultural geography from Royal Holloway, University of London, where her research centred on the geographies of lap swimming and the indoor swimming pool. She grew up on a cattle ranch in California and now lives in Oxford.

ADRIFT is, quite simply, the best book on its subject I have ever read. Miranda's thoughtful, sharp, insightful, funny, brave, honest and often painful writing on fertility has given form and life and language to something fundamental and universal. I wish I'd had it years ago. I'm so glad to have it now. The clever use of structure, the humour, the feather light touch of her narrative voice; it is the sort of book that makes you wish you were a better writer. I have no doubt it is going to help a lot of people and touch many more -- NELL FRIZZELL It's long past time we stopped tip-toeing around the subject of miscarriage and started to acknowledge the difficult space between pregnant and not and all the emotions that live there. (Contrary to common belief, you can in fact be a little bit pregnant). Miranda Ward gets the conversation started in this thoughtful, beautifully-written, devastating exploration of the will to reproduce and the wildness of the body. This is a vastly important and necessary book -- LAUREN ELKIN I was both captivated by Miranda Ward's story and impressed by her attention, perspective and understatement. Her experience of "almost motherhood" is told with truth and clarity in a way that will be a comfort to some and a revelation to others -- AMY LIPTROT This book shows from the inside that motherhood is never a single state. And so, in reading it, we can bring together everyone swimming through those murky, unfathomable waters -- Nell Frizzell * GUARDIAN * Finally, the important and interesting subject of almost-motherhood is given due attention. ADRIFT is a crucial, precious book by a writer with a wide-ranging intellect, beautiful prose and an astute and refreshingly honest voice. I was hooked by it, and fascinated by the layers she weaves as she moves the topics of fertility and pregnancy loss into the light. ADRIFT will be a balm and a relief for many women, longing for a book that takes such a major and common life experience seriously and gives it the thought and care it deserves -- LUCY JONES Miranda Ward captures the visceral hopelessness of infertility, and an ambiguous but mostly-unspoken space that many women unwillingly occupy forever. She never flinches from the pain, and because of this her tender book will be precious to many readers -- JEAN HANNAH EDELSTEIN Miranda Ward is a truly incredible writer and one who carefully and beautifully reflects on "almost motherhood". It's a space that so many of us experience but so often we don't have the language to communicate just where that is -- Francesca Brown * STYLIST * ADRIFT states, repeatedly, how often we lack the language for such events, but Ward conveys with exquisite precision how the physical and spiritual connect, probing the intimacies of her own body with fiery experience...Let us continue the conversation, however hard; a conversation that ADRIFT will, surely, be a vital part of for many years to come -- Marianne Levy * I NEWSPAPER *