Dear Joan and Jericha - Why He Turns Away: Do's and Don'ts, from Dating to Death

Description

From the world-renowned agony aunts of award-winning podcast 'Dear Joan and Jericha' comes an unputdownable bible of sex and relationship advice on how to find, satisfy and maintain a husband, from dating right up until you or hubby pass away. We dedicate this tome to Mahmoud: surgeon, prophet, model and friend. Capable of performing up to 30 hysterectomies a day (often blindfolded), it was Mahmoud that begged us to put pen to papyrus and share our wisdom with all the lost ladies suffering in the world today. As much revered celebrities, living glamorous and wealthy lifestyles, we do of course come under fire. There has recently been vicious slander circulating, regarding a small handful of folk who have written to us with a problem, and having listened to our response, gone on to take their own lives. As if the two were somehow connected. These naysayers are generally bitter and jealous spinsters, taking perverse and sadistic pleasure in being vindictive and nasty, while no doubt masturbating at the same time. To these lonely ladies we would say, 'Go look in your own heart, knock ye there and ask yourself some difficult questions. Because you will find the real guilt writhing within ye, like maggots mating in yesterday's apple'. What we offer here is a lifeline, a service, much like the NHS, or perhaps more accurately, the AA. Joan and Jericha: AA for the heart. Affording you the opportunity to have a breakdown, call for a pick-up truck, stop off for a Full English whilst a hairy guy in a grubby onesie fumbles under your bonnet and tweaks at your wiring, before sending you on your way, lubricated, primed, pumped and pretty. With kind regards, Joan Damry and Jericha Domain OBE MBE (etc)

Joan Damry (Author) Joan Damry was born in Galbraith, Scotland, one of nine children crammed happily into a two-up two-down with an outside toilet. Joan entered the world feet first, the umbilical cord wrapped tightly around the top of her head like a fleshy turban, leaving her with a cone-shaped skull, which is why she continues to wear her hair high. Devoted mother of five and wife to coma-bound husband Ralph, Joan is also a life coach, psychogenital counsellor, much admired TED-talk speaker, accomplished flautist and writer of bestselling erotic fiction series Lust and Lies at Glanmore Manor. Joan has been married six times, three of her husbands having tragically taken their own lives. Jericha Domain (Author) Jericha Domain is proud to be British. Dedicated mother and tender wife (though her husband Philip spends 98% of his time running a Boy Scout school in Thailand), Jericha is also an award-winning writer having penned five books on depression, and another entitled Wild Lady Swims: A guide to Britain's Most Polluted Waterways. A keen front crawler, Jericha is often seen pounding up and down the Regent's Canal, dodging oncoming craft in her russet tankini and homemade flippers. Jericha divides her days between broadcasting, writing, lecturing, gardening and liaising with the police regarding her adult daughter Cardinal, who Mahmoud once described as a 'walking syndrome'.

In this outrageous spoof a filth-strewn look at sex, relationships and why women are always in the wrong when marriages crumble - brilliant comedians Vicki Pepperdine and Julia Davis have excelled themselves in their roles as the chillingly convincing agony aunts Joan and Jericha. Their award-winning podcast now runs to two series, and if you're already a fan, the advice offered in this book, from dating to death, will come as no surprise. Brace yourself?for a bumpy ride. The darkest and dirtiest of humour, not for the faint-hearted! * Woman & Home *